nothing feels good
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Like you in red & blue jeans and your white and night things.

Saturday, July 30, 2005
Beatles marathon for me.

I asked my dad to lend me his CD that contains all their albums. I don't know why I'm so late. Why only now did I get myself interested in seriously listening to the Beatles?

Starting with Sgt Peppers. I read somewhere that it's their best. Although my dad says all their albums are the best.

Listening to their raw music seems more interesting, however. I guess I'll borrow that CD too.

George is my favorite Beatle.

posted by introvert at 11:23:00 PM
. . .
Friday, July 29, 2005
Langya talaga CNN always focuses on the breaking news for hours. Oh well, at least there's a balance. If you're interested in the breaking news tune in to CNN. If you want that and other news turn to BBC.

Just came home from Galle. Saw Wedding Crashers. Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. An all-star B movie. Funny. But not that great. As I said, B movie. Owen and Vince were both cute though. Heh. Men are cute. Why can't I find myself one?

posted by introvert at 10:01:00 PM
. . .
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Wow, I was so engrossed in my work that I almost forgot about Jon Stewart tonight! Haha, doing my Relstri reflection paper about the community service.. Thanks God, for making me masipag after such a long time of apathy and lethargy.

posted by introvert at 9:28:00 PM
. . .
I've been considering Mayene's invitation.. tomorrow night at Dish ABS-CBN, with Karen B. and the gang (Kristine, Mia, etc., probably with Char).. She mentioned this idea before, a sort of reunion of the old barkada, but I don't know who I expected to be there.. I thought perhaps, Karen, Char, Dottie, Mayene, Pam.. Kaira? Kim is not here. So I guess, yeah, just them. I didn't realize we were so few. I didn't expect it to be with Karen's present barkada. That old reunion idea in Tianenmar Bar was a way better idea than this -- this, uh, hiphop night. With Kristine and Mia, no less. Oh, I don't know. I don't know why I don't want to see Kristine and Mia and whoever the "etc" is. Gwyneth? Perhaps Karen E. and Cristina? It's not that I have anything against them, I think it's just that I have some sort of "resistance" to seeing old high school friends. Sometimes I don't even feel like seeing the pamilya, except maybe Pia who I do miss.. anti-social vibes again, huh. I can't point out the reason for this. Mayene's text last night.. was totally devoid of any interesting factor. Dish, all right. Karen and Char, all right, we did plan to meet. But the mention of Kristine.. and then HIPHOP? Please. I don't think I'd be any happy in that place. Imagine -- the beats, the people in oversized t-shirts and super loose low-waist jeans that show their underwear (probably with bands around their heads, too), the dirty dancing, the CROWD (imagine Culture Club!), drinking, smoking.. well, the last two are no problem, but it's been a while since I've been around smoke and drinks, and I think I prefer the either noisy or quiet Chinese restaurant meeting with old friends. In a small table where everybody's gathered and sharing some good food, it's a much better way to catch up and look back at the old days. I told Mayene I don't think I'll be comfortable at Dish tomorrow night. And I was honest (rejecting invitations is not unusual - it's the giving an honest reason other than being busy). Well, it's true. I weighed an option - to go, just for the sake of it, experience hiphop, after all, some (NOT ALL) of the music's not that bad.. but when I imagine myself there.. oh, it looks like hell. Not just coz of the music, mind you. Mayene's proposal of having lunch in Greenhills some other time instead -- now, that's my sort of thing. I hope she'll forgive me, though. She did say she understands. But who ever knows.

posted by introvert at 7:47:00 PM
. . .
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Europe is cool but not for living. Its the US !!! US is not just for visiting!

posted by introvert at 11:52:00 AM
. . .
For some reason it's a topic I don't want to discuss with anybody, but now I'm obliged to so what the heck.. oh, the uncomfort..

That says a lot about me now, does it.

posted by introvert at 11:44:00 AM
. . .
Boy it feels like Sunday, and it is. What makes days feel that way?

posted by introvert at 11:17:00 AM
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Saturday, July 23, 2005
New York City.

I wish I were in the States.

posted by introvert at 6:15:00 PM
. . .
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
hay nako, alam mo ba.. nagplan na ako ng sembreak ko.
i dont like leaving sana pag sembreaks, pero sabi ko,
matagal pa ako magbabakasyon ulit so why not? simula
na sana ng dream ko to "travel the world" and to try
leaving by myself, at yung destination ko sana ay
LONDON! sobrang excited pa naman ako.. i asked dad
kung pwede, sabi nya o sige. tapos when we told mom..
wala na. shattered na dream ko. hehehe. drama ba?
nainis lang ako dahil kala ko talaga makakapunta ako..
tsaka sayang yung visa baka nde lang magamit.. tsaka
nainis din ako dahil sinasabi ni mom na kaya nga sya
nde sumama nung nag US tayo ay dahil wala na tayong
pera.. basta, ang gulo, di ko maintindihan kung bakit
ayaw ni mom mag enjoy/relax.. alam ko naman,
naiintindihan ko naman na we dont have money kaso
lang.. kahit yung libreng boracay ayaw gamitin ni
mom.. tapos sinasabi nya she really wants to leave..
pero wala naman syang ginagawa.. naalala ko lang si
anna from closer, "she doesn't want to be happy"
...hehehe .. ewan ko ba, wala lang.. i got really sad
lang.. na frustrate lang din siguro ako kasi lahat
nalang ng gusto ko nde natutupad.. kahit yung
part-time job sa tower na gusto ko tlga.. they dont
give part-time daw eh.. parang i get the feeling na
lahat ng dreams ko nde na magkakatotoo.. bigla nga
akong nawalan ng direksyon sa buhay eh, lost na
naman.. sumabay pa yang mga prof namin who openly show
their disappointment at our batch dahil para daw
kaming nde lit majors.. well ibang kwento na yun, next
time na.. hehe pero ok na ako ngayon.. mag momovie
marathon nalang ako sa break.. hehe..

Well, yeah, things are getting better, although of course I'm still sad about that. But I'm beginning to forget it, move on.. it really helps when something's keeping you busy, and when you've got friends all around (even if they know nothing of your troubles, it's the company and laughter that matters). Lately I've been busy with the Harry Potter raffle tickets, which has been fun, even if we're delayed.. and it felt good earlier this afternoon during Writmed class when the Lit block was (sort of?) united in giving Sir Bayot a birthday surprise.. united with Sir Bayot as well.. such a nice guy, that dude. Hehe it's nice to be a part of something like that, and everybody in the class is actually my friend, unlike in my high school classes and the LR21 block.. never felt any real unity there.. more of a stranger.. basta, ayun.. hehehe =)

posted by introvert at 5:55:00 PM
. . .
Monday, July 18, 2005
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot begin, I do not know how, to express, to explain here what has been happening........!!!!!!!!!!!! A crisis, conflict, whatever-you-wish-to-call-it in our Lit block vs. the faculty. Or one of the faculty. *sigh*

posted by introvert at 10:56:00 PM
. . .
I've been such a fool.

But will this change things?

posted by introvert at 12:32:00 AM
. . .
Friday, July 15, 2005
Note to self: Pag may gusto kang gawin, wag mo na idamay ang pamilya. Ikaw na ang bahalang mag accomplish nun. At saka, tumahimik ka na. Isarili mo nalang mga comments mo dahil ma-mimisinterpret lang nila, at maiinis ka, so for peaceful co-existence's sake, shut up.

Planned projects:
watch Pinoy Blonde with self on Tuesday or Wednesday
find a way to take a walk (exercise) weekly
find a job for next term..


Just give me a license and I'll do it all by myself! I'll go on that road trip across Luzon, you don't have to worry about me. If only you'd stop worrying about me! Damn I badly need a job.


After graduating with a BA in Literature, I am going out there into the pop world of the Pinoy Blonde type. Or rakenrol as they call it. I am not staying in that hell hole of the Lit "intellectual" academic world. Yuck, puh-leez.

posted by introvert at 9:15:00 PM
. . .
Thursday, July 14, 2005
music, books, movies, old stuff, the world, photography, history, mobsters, people, life..


Musicians, Writers, Actors, Politicans/World Leaders... wait wait wait

May 10, 2005

The more accurate word is statesmen. (To replace Politicians/World Leaders).

I read something about Myanmar, a very interesting Southeast Asian country. And it brought me to U Thant, a Burmese diplomat..

I wanna be a world statesman too. World stateswoman. Whatever.

Recently I've been leaning more to world citizenship than Filipino citizenship.

posted by introvert at 9:39:00 PM
. . .
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
I have been eating so much lately. Why? Because when I am not happy anywhere, it's my stomach that must be happy?

posted by introvert at 9:53:00 PM
. . .
Silly me! What the fuck am I waiting for? What the fuck do I want to stay here for during sembreak? It's my chance, sembreak's my only chance! To start my long longed-for dream.. Set aside my personal things to do for now, that can wait.. oh, my ambition now is to go to London this coming sembreak, if money would allow it.. I'm sure now that time would allow it.. Aug 30 course card day, Sept 12 back to school.. that's is just enough time!

Besides.. gotta be there soon, coz Tony might not be there long! Haha ;-)

I really hope I could. London calling. Washington and New York up next. (What am I thinking, London is more expensive than the US!) Others in the wishlist: Southeast Asia - Jakarta, Kuala Lumpur, Bangkok again.. for some reason, though I don't know much about the place, I wish to see Rangoon.. such an overlooked country, Myanmar. But I get the feeling that it's a beautiful place. A place where you can really still feel the spirit of colonialism..

posted by introvert at 9:03:00 PM
. . .
Damn, I want to be an actor! :(

Probably the most fun job in the world..

Listening to Matthew Broderick singing on The Producers. Can't wait for the movie version! (I wish I could see him on Broadway!)

The lights of Broadway.. starstruck na naman ako!

New Yorkers.. what a cute couple, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick.

posted by introvert at 6:26:00 PM
. . .
Monday, July 11, 2005
My current interest in politics has led me to make plans for myself. I was inpired by governments planning out agendas and actually implementing them. Well, I haven't really been doing a good job at the implementation part, but I hope I'll get there soon. I need it badly, especially now that my studies are going down.

I'm not stupid. I'm not lazy. I've been reading the assigned readings. Passing my required papers. Oh, no, which reminds me I have to do a damn Paul Stephen Lim paper! Uhm, so what's wrong? I've been doing the work that's required of me. It's my brain -- it's tired of thinking, tired of all this academic shit. All it wants is to listen, to gather information, not to exercise! Oh, it's my brain that is lazy!

Agh! Another paper.. Lately I have not liked writing! I don't want to make papers anymore! I just want lectures.. I miss the lecture-style of conducting class. I don't want anymore of that transformative learning crap! Besides I get better grades by the lecture method! Dammit! (Lazy brain talaga ampotah)

One more year, or so I hope..

posted by introvert at 8:09:00 PM
. . .
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Wow, after what seemed like a long, long summer, it has been raining the entire day since early this morning when I was finishing my Litelec paper (that was say, around 3am?). Nonstop rain -- I had missed this. It feels good. Wonderful and nostalgic. After days of killer heat, it has finally been chilly around here. Only trouble was I did not think of bringing a jacket and umbrella, and we had to walk all the way to to Tash's car parked at The Beach.

Yeah, I rode with Tash for the first time. And Ai was there, as well as LA. But we dropped LA at RP. I got to see Tash's new house in E. Rodriguez, and I got to show her and Ai our house. At first I sort of felt awkward around them, I didn't know what I felt towards them. The things they talked about in the car, I couldn't relate to and some topics were the sort I had had enough of -- their "chismis" about certain people, and the judgments they have been recently known for.

I was quiet most of the trip, but once I got home, everything turned out alright. I was enjoying their company, even wanting them to stay longer after showing them around. We hung out in Ricco's room, just talking. But when they left, I had that feeling again -- you never know what those two talk about when you're not around. I knew I had to be careful with those guys.


I'm watching a Fasttrack episode of BBC right now. Their feature is on the US since it is 4th of July. About Las Vegas and about nightlife in New York. It was slightly different, slightly better than those travel guide-sort of shows. I tried watching Living Asia, an initially interesting channel since it is about Asia Travel, but then I got sick of it almost immediately because it was too touristy. Their features were on the tuk-tuks of Southeast Asia, the food, the colonial buildings.. I know those are the things to see, but it's too commercial. I don't know, I guess I'm looking for something else when time has come for my dream to travel comes true. Somehow Fasttrack and BBC's Inside Europe (a show about Eastern Europe states that have yet to join the EU) still don't satisfy me. The thing is I don't know what I want in a travel show or travel guide. Perhaps a cross between National Geographic features and road movies or road books (think Fear and Loathing and On The Road).

Hmm, perhaps a job idea for me? Doing a show that would change the face of TV travel guides.. =P

posted by introvert at 5:39:00 PM
. . .
Sunday, July 03, 2005
I know what's wonderful about the US: it is a country that embodies Human Greatness.

Explanation to follow. If I am ever in the mood or right mind to explain.

posted by introvert at 9:45:00 PM
. . .
Buti pa ako self-sufficient ampota.

How many times have people asked help from me?

How many times have I asked help from others?

posted by introvert at 8:21:00 PM
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. . .
current mood
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piotr f.

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