nothing feels good
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Like you in red & blue jeans and your white and night things.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005
I don't think I'll sleep tonight.

That's what I get for wasting time and bumming around, putting Conan O'Brien and Keanu Reeves and Friendster and other shit first.

I take it back. Conan O'Brien is not shit.

Anyway. Yesterday Tin was telling me that Jan (Jobo's best friend and the object of all his girlfriends' jealousies) and Malaine are already mothers of baby boys.

To tell you the truth, their Friendster pics with their kids look awfully cute and touching, makes you go "awww." Again I feel I am getting old.

The people I know are already parents.


posted by introvert at 12:02:00 PM
. . .
Monday, March 28, 2005
All of a sudden I have images of Venice in my head and I'm itching to go back. I particularly remember a small alley-like street in the inner part of the city, where there was a clothes shop but it was late at night so the shops were all closed and dark. The street leads out to a plaza where you can feed the pigeons.

And then I get an urge to join my dad in Japan this summer, because I've heard news that Red is looking for me. The kid still remembers me, what do you know. I suddenly miss him and I want to play with him again before he starts to forget! It's been a year. Almost. Well that was last summer.

Argh. I am still the slowest person to ever write a term paper.


posted by introvert at 9:23:00 PM
. . .
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Distraction.. distractions, distractions! Distractions and slowness. I am the slowest worker when it comes to writing papers..

I now have my dad's 7250. But realized it's pretty old skool, soon it will be "obsolete" just like my 6310 is. But that's alright, I'm pretty old skool myself. Haha.

The phone I like now is the 6320.

Well what does it matter. Only txt and call matters!

Argh! Five more questions to answer! (Damn Intdram!)


posted by introvert at 6:46:00 PM
. . .
Saturday, March 26, 2005
You have a life there. Stay there. How's it in the US? Do you feel lucky to be there? The US is such a cool place. Nobody cares about it anymore. Everybody hates it now. But to me it still is cool. Watching the Morning Show on NBC (ETC here) and Leno and Conan at night.. something in their culture just fascinates me, I don't know what.


posted by introvert at 8:35:00 PM
. . .
Friday, March 25, 2005
Buti pa kayo ang sisipag ninyo! (Status message ni Prichie sa YM: malapit na raw matapos polgov paper nya)

Pwede ba mag Liberal Arts, Major in Nothing?


posted by introvert at 1:46:00 PM
. . .
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Fuck, man, I'm scared. Will I ever finish Lit? I already am delayed but I want to finish as soon as I can. I don't want to get left behind. I really, really don't want to.

Right at this very moment.. I am regretting that I did not shift to another course. Majoring this term, I don't feel I'm doing such a good job. Like my best is not enough, or I'm not doing my best. My lack of recitation discourages me to continue. Discourages me from coming to class. Then there's the Compre Exam. If you fail an area of the exam, you'll have to retake the following term, that means more delay. And the thesis, even more delay. And I knew Tash was right when she said, "Itong Lit, ang daming hassle, pero wala ka naman makukuhang trabaho."

The course that really appeals to me now is not Pol Sci or History anymore, those courses are shit, I would probably have as much a hard time as I do now, except that those two courses don't have a required grade point average. In actuality Lit is fairly easy. It is only the GPA which makes it difficult. I also know Ai was right when Mariel asked her which course does not require brains and she answered "Ito na yun." In Pol Sci and History probably it's just as difficult without the GPA.

Well anyway what appeals to me now is ISA. American Studies. I wish I had shifted when it was still early.

Well, if I fail Lit, I don't have a choice. I would very much like to stop college altogether when that hapens, no point of continuing, really, but.. Hell, I don't know! Goddammit.

Next week I just might look for the ISA Department and probably ask the Dean's Office for an ISA flowchart. Although I would rather not have the thought of staying even longer in La Salle.

Whatever.. this is just part of it. Doubting yourself, your choices, your abilities. Lazing around and getting discouraged. All courses are the same! They all require the same amount of readings, of thinking, of brains, of effort, of stress.. Remember that..

College blues.


posted by introvert at 10:12:00 PM
. . .
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Do you realize.. we are in the middle of the first decade! 2005! This is the mid-2000s! It's like saying mid-1900s.. haha. It's like 1905. It's like 1925, 1935, 1945, 1955, 1995.. The middle, the moment the decade comes of age! Hmmm.. our decade.. 2005.. What does define our decade? Simply an adjustment period to the new millenium? Just like the 1900s.


posted by introvert at 8:47:00 PM
. . .
Friday, March 18, 2005
Well, well! Another reason to thank God for all his greatness. I waited and He answered my prayer! Somebody backed out of the 3:40-4:40 Relstri course that I wanted so badly! It's the last day of enrollment and at the last minute I decided that I didn't want to wake up early for next term, and that I can't be alone in that subject. Mom and Dad were right. It's hard to wake up. Ai was right. I should go to school in the afternoon so I can be more active in the org. Tash was right. My old schedule had two breaks and breaks make you lazy.

I'm a morning person, sure. I'm gonna miss the morning. Going to school and feeling like nobody is there. I'm gonna miss afternoon free time, but hey I'll have that on Tuesdays and Thursdays anyway. Well, I guess it's morning free time for MWF now. Make something of it.

Besides, it seems the world is conspiring WITH me this time just when I thought it was against me! But I don't want to think about *them* anymore when it comes to fixing my schedule. Should be for the friends, and more importantly the convenience!

I'm still waiting for another class to open. I cross-enrolled in COS for Intreco because only they had an available 2:30-3:30 section, just before my Rels. That would be fine, considering that there are only around 20 people in the class, and it's a first for me to cross-enroll. COS is not bad. I wouldn't want CBE or COE. But I'd prefer that CLA section. It's home, and it'll be in Miguel, and maybe Intreco would be easier. Hehe. But if that'll remain closed the whole day, oh well, COS here I come . =D

Whoever that person is who left the Relstri section, I wish to thank him/her, only problem is there is no way of knowing who that person is! But well! Thank God for that person! Hehe! I just have a feeling he/she might hate me for getting the slot when he/she wanted to go back. Hmm.


posted by introvert at 9:45:00 AM
. . .
Thursday, March 17, 2005
I don't believe this.. hahaha! Mozilla Firefox is so cool. Explorer sucks, man! Everybody knows that. This Mozilla is just awesome. There's a very convenient separate textbox where you can search Google, Amazon, Yahoo, or even Dictionary.com (which I very frequently use!). It's got the features of Explorer + more. A gift from Heaven I'd say!

Thank God. Now I can open Friendster and other sites that I couldn't in IE. Damn IE!

xxx

Anyway I was telling my parents earlier this evening that this is the first time I ever felt like a leader. My partner in Intdram wasn't really doing much so I decided to take over. I appointed people to help us do our dramatic reading and instructed them on what to do, what costumes to bring, etc. I'd have to admit I wasn't very good at it, our presentation wasn't how I really wanted it to turn out, but it was okay, and Miss said "OK that was good" at the end anyway so that was enough for me. Hehe, I was happy and I actually liked doing it, never once did I complain about being in charge. I'm glad my friends had agreed to participate (Mariel was very touching, coming to class only for Intdram when she was absent the whole day. Unfortunately she was the only one I wasn't able to thank after class coz she left right away. Sleepyhead! Hehe =) Another thing I learned was about myself - that I can do this, I have the potential - but then only if my actors were my friends, that is. I couldn't imagine directing strangers who I completely cannot get along with. But I guess camaraderie is an important thing in theater/movies, and that's why actors or directors back out because of one another.

Well, maybe it was partly because I liked the play we were presenting (Strindberg's The Father). I loved reading it, and while I read I had this vision in my mind on how it went. That's what I learned today - that as long as you have a vision, you have that potential to direct, to lead other people to do what you want them to do to achieve that vision. Of course you also have to be willing to ask their help. But really I was new with this thing, some actors didn't fit in well with their parts, and I had originally wanted to practice before the actual presentation but decided against it because I knew they wanted to have lunch or enroll instead. But I suppose that practice session would have saved them some confusion later on. Anyhow as a result the dramatic reading didn't turn out as good as it was in my vision. But it doesn't affect me now. Everything was okay even if we looked way less than amateur. I'm just glad for the opportunity and for the life lesson. Hehe.


posted by introvert at 10:48:00 PM
. . .
Saturday, March 12, 2005
By the way, after all this talk about James.. and also sensing from Ai that she has boy troubles, I'm actually kind of glad about being free right now =) going out like this is enough to make me feel good. But of course you can't just shrug off that feeling of wanting to be special to somebody..


posted by introvert at 10:33:00 PM
. . .
current song: Badly Drawn Boy - Silent Sigh

What a nice song to end/begin the evening.. Hehe end the day, begin the night? I had just come from a long day from school and Makati. Marian and I joined Gel and Ace in Greenbelt-Glorietta, roaming around before the 6:00 book launching of Sir Nonon in Powerbooks. Thte show didn't seem very exciting, though. Other events made the day more exciting.. although not for me. I only bought a new bag, that's all. Heh.

Well, Gel and Ace are in Norah Jones' concert in Araneta now. Good for them.. As for Marian, she had just met up with that Adrian dude. Gel and Ace were supposed to be with us "for coffee" but they had to leave for Araneta and I ended up looking through Powerbooks as Marian had her coffee. That Adrian dude looked awfully familiar - his face, his voice.. everything! Except the name, I've never heard of him, but when I saw him I thought I'd seen him before.

After that Marian and I were by ourselves in EDSA, in her mom's car (I like that Chevy) and were practically "making kapa" our way home! First time I had to help navigate, I'm so used to my dad's driving - he just knows where to go! Luckily I had an idea out of Makati and so did Marian, although we should have taken some detours that we missed. Oh well. Next time we know, and we planned to do it again sometime. After all it's fun to be out by ourselves, just us - because we get to shop unlike if we were with other people. Hehe, like today we were in that City Walk in Glorietta, but we couldn't really buy/look around much because of the time and coz we had other things like that book launching.. Anyway before going home we had dinner at Mann Hann - I'm still having a love affair with Chinese food, mostly with fish fillet and broccoli flowers, hehe. Then at Marian's suggestion I tried their buko sherbet, really good, not just any sherbet, it was some kind of halo-halo style buko shake. Anyway I paid for dinner because I had no cash left, just my credit card. After all, Marian has treated me many times so now it's my turn. Then she brought me home. It was nice to be out. After changing plans a couple of times, deciding whether we should just go home or join Gel and Ace or go our own way to Shang, we ended up going home late anyway. But that's alright, I wouldn't have done much here at home anyway, which is why I thought of going out today in the first place.. =)

Whew, some rant. For some reason I suddenly remembered Reks.. argh. I don't know why I don't want to reply to him anymore when he txts.. he's not a bad guy, you know. But probably I'm sick of silly, pointless conversations, or maybe just plain tired of txt. It's nice to talk to somebody personally, face to face, rather than txting, and a part of me used to want him to come here so that we can do just that. But of course that's close to impossible, given that he lives two countries south of the Philippines. Haha, why am I ranting about him anyway? Hay.. boys!

Anyway I feel like the evening is just about to start. I just don't know what to do with it. I'm not sleepy yet, and I don't want to sleep. I know I have to practice clarinet, but it's late and Mom and Dad's asleep. I hope tomorrow I'd be able to. Maybe I can watch a video, or better yet, read "The Father" for Intdram.. It's a warm evening, it's summer already, and that's why I said "Silent Sight" was a good song to end/start the evening.. I probably first heard this song one summer, and it brought that summer feeling.. Speaking of summer we may not have our Vernac classes this coming summer term. Yay because I have more time but boo because I don't want to just stay at home.. after all, it's easier to go out from school than from home. I gues you should erase the Yay part. I want to go to school this summer! Ack.

Well.. no point in this post. Just a rant. Ending it with Bix Beiderbecke - In A Mist.


posted by introvert at 10:02:00 PM
. . .
Monday, March 07, 2005
This is very nice. It already feels like summer yet it is not warm at all.

The Matrix was actually 1999. Can you believe that was seven years ago? I'm so old.


posted by introvert at 5:37:00 PM
. . .
Sunday, March 06, 2005
It feels like summer and at days like these I just want to get out of this room and go down and pop a DVD into the DVD player.. but no, I have tons to read for fucking Lit majors! Mariel had a point there when she asked that question.. What course does not require brains?


posted by introvert at 3:55:00 PM
. . .
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Shit ang pangit ng taste ko pare.

Twas nice to have Nico as my date today. (Marian's treat at Dencio's The Fort) I thought I would be the only one without one - I wonder how the heck that would have been. She decided to join us for the movie and dinner because she had no ride home. Haha.

Well I listened to her talk. - I still always am the listener type I suppose. I get along with talkative people because they just talk endlessly and in my best days I don't mind listening because I actually get something out of it. Anyway at one point she was talking about Pow, how downright "ugly" he is and that "he stinks". And all I could think of was Shit ang pangit ng taste ko. But she says that up front he's nice anyway "as in really nice" and "Pow, we're friends." She was also saying something about his feet, how gross they were. Oh God. I might have been more disgusted at myself than what I was hearing.

She was also saying something about Jason - that he was weird. That he's "such a perv". Heck. And that he always gets drunk. And that she ran into him in G4 once and she was shocked to see him with - with a date. And a pretty one, at that. Geez, that made me think, Shucks I really should forget about this guy.

Later, though, I realized it was pretty stupid to think that. Well, I don't know really if I should count on what I hear or what I see. Argh, scrap that - I'm not talking about him here, and I don't want to.

Another thing that I heard from Nico was about Happy. Well, Ace was teasing me again to "B" - his nickname for Happy and Nico's comment was "Hey, may itsura yun ah." That amused me. And Ace just gives off this disgusted face. Then Nico goes hey malay mo one day Happy would turn into somebody like Hitch. Yeah there was this scene in Hitch (we watched it before going to The Fort), the flashback when he was in college, and the Hitch back then just totally reminded me of Happy. The clothes, the way he moves - just so very "B". And yeah, I thought so myself before that one day he would show the world. One day he's gonna be somebody and he'll show everybody. Just like Hitch.. But I still don't wanna be his friend. Haha. Not even when or if he'll be Hitch or is Hitch.. when I told them Happy wanted to join the Star Circle Quest, Nico reacted with a "Oh my God I knew he was retarded". But the fact that she said may itsura sya and that he'll be like Hitch, and all the other things she said about Jason and Pow - how frankly she says them but you just know they're true. I think that's one trait I like in people. Also how she knows that Pow backstabs her and LA but "up front" they're still friends. Tash in a way has that trait too, but albeit different - it's her own little way, can't explain it now I don't feel like it.

So besides hearing things about Jason, Pow, and "B" - I got to point out that trait that I adore in others. I just realized it now as I am writing, though. Haha. And also the fact that I have downright BAD taste. Not just with Pow, but also with Jason. What the f***!!!! I knew my taste was different, but now I know it's BAD. Geezus. Well.

I've been thinking, though. I wonder when and where I will find that guy who will totally suit me. Couples I like - Craig and his girl, Jim Estrada and his girl (Ana I think), and Joseph (De Guzman) and his girl. They are the most perfect couples, they just really match each other and look totally adorable together.. I wonder who and WHERE for Christ's sake my Craig/Jim/Joseph is.. hayy!


posted by introvert at 11:58:00 PM
. . .
Friday, March 04, 2005
Thirty-something men are hot. Haha. Although Keanu Reeves is actually 40 already. Tangina! Tumataas na naman age preference ko! Hahah dati 30 gusto ko ngayon 40 na. Johnny Depp is 40. Keanu Reeves is 40. The 30-year olds now are Leo DiCaprio and Drew Barrymore! Ampowta hahaha mga kids lang yon dati!!

But hey, Jude Law is in his 30s. He doesn't look that young though. I didn't know he was in Leo's generation.

I know why acting is an attractive profession. Because you don't just stay in one job. You do a movie, and it gets done. You do another one. And you get just enough money to survive in between jobs.

But of course it's tough getting to that point.


posted by introvert at 10:01:00 AM
. . .
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
what do dreams mean? what does it mean when you've been having every night? then now you don't have any at all?

Rufus rocks. I'll Build A Stairway To Paradise.

By the way. Marian had news today that Val had answered the boy who likes her. All I could muster was a "Ha?" But I think what I really was thinking was: What the hell? Is it some kind of trend now to have a boy?


posted by introvert at 9:18:00 PM
. . .
Wahhhhhhh.. may namimiss na naman ako ampota..

I miss J and I miss M.. the latter I just saw today, but just a glimpse, and I had to look away because I don't know why I had to look away! Well he was talking to somebody and was wearing that yellow t-shirt again and that orange Jansport.. which is how I recognized him in the first place. Godfuckingdammit, why don't I ever get the chance to talk to him, or to at least see him up close?

I missed seeing J last Saturday but I didn't care. Right now I don't think I care either. But still, I miss him. Maybe not. Maybe I just miss M. Heh. Or maybe just J's company again, but not J himself. Hmm?

What can I do.

I also miss a whole lot of things. I miss watching movies in the sofa downstairs. I miss reading about movies and actors and looking at photos of them. I miss the US, I wish I could visit Hollywood again - I miss all these because I just saw the Academy Awards. It was a boring show, but it brought me back to the movies.

Keanu Reeves is my new Jude Law. Haha. I'm particularly amused at the fact that he is a loner. Do you really believe he's gay? I'd like not to think so.



posted by introvert at 8:55:00 PM
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