nothing feels good
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Like you in red & blue jeans and your white and night things.

Sunday, October 31, 2004
It's actually Halloween, and I've completely forgotten about it until I was on my way home with bro (despite all those spook-themed shows airing on Cartoon Network).

Spent the afternoon at the hospital; waiting, waiting, waiting.

The US Elections is two days away.

Tomorrow I hope to finally make that Tiramisu x 3. If not, oh well. Always another time.

I tried my best to study this weekend for the Histciv exam on Tuesday. I did a little. I don't know if I'll continue tomorrow, I don't care if I'll finish or not, just as long as I get to see Music From Another Room on Cinemax tomorrow night.

At least I got something done over the weekend -- this computer of mine is finally in good shape; just reformatted it again, no more ME, just plain 2000. And I hope it will keep in good shape.

posted by introvert at 11:04:30 PM
. . .
Thursday, October 28, 2004
I can't wait for Monday night when I get to see Jude Law on TV! Haha, Music From Another Room, that is..

posted by introvert at 9:06:29 PM
. . .
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Met Danielle De Vera the other day, when I found out she was in Filipi3 class. She says she remembers me, although I'm not sure if she really does. Heck, it was in second grade when we last knew each other!

Today I started my clarinet lessons. Yamaha in Galleria. It wasn't so bad. Just the price, haha. Well, my teacher was nice. On the way there I mentioned to my dad that I was nervous. He said there was no reason to be nervous. What I couldn't tell him was that I wasn't nervous of the clarinet or anything, but of having to "socialize" or talk or befriend or whatever the teacher.. yeah, I'm such an anti-social kid -- or more of a sociophobe if you can call it that -- these days. Sociophobia, is there such a thing? Or does it mean something else other than being afraid or not wanting to meet new people? I know there's nothing wrong with meeting people, nothing to be afraid of. Like today, my teacher turned out to be such a nice man, and I turned out to be a friendly-type of student as well (suprised myself). But I guess what I'm avoiding is the people who don't know how to act around you which makes you uncertain on how to act around them as well. They may be nice people really, but it doesn't seem so. I don't care whether they're really nice or not. I just want them to be friendly around me so I can be friendly around them. Heh. Coz if they don't seem nice at all, I can't be sure if I should be nice to them.. Whatever -- this phobia definitely sprouts from the La Salle experience. Haha. People there don't know how to act around each other..

Ok, it isn't as bad as it sounds. I may seem anti-social to other people, but I'm really not. I said up there that I'm a sociophobe, but that really depends. In school I can make friends easily. It's just that sometimes I don't know if I should say hello when I pass somebody who I had only some small talk with once. Because they don't say hi, so why should I? And if I become the first one to say hi, would they say hi back? Some of them don't. Some of them see you when you pass, but they try to avoid your eyes. That's what I meant when I said people there don't know how to act around each other.

Anyway. My main point was supposed to be about the clarinet. My teacher -- Sir Boy -- said that the saxophone was an easier instrument to learn. The sax can take only three months, while the clarinet -- well, twice the time. But Christ, the saxophone is very much more expensive. I remember Kim saying it's 80,000 pesos! Although I did tell him I would love to learn the saxophone. And perhaps I will.. haha, let's just hope. After all, it wouldn't be so bad once you know the clarinet. Gotta save up on that.. Well, he said the clarinet was one of what he called the "critical instruments" in the orchestra, together with the flute and I think he mentioned the oboe. So, the flute is difficult huh! It looks like you can just blow into it. However he also said that my choice of instrument is a beautiful one. And after seeing that I already know the basics -- the E to A scale, how to assemble and position the fingers, etc. he said maybe four months will do.. hehe, man, I'm excited. My arms are sorta aching though, coz of the clarinet's weight!

Hmm, why isn't anybody online at this time.. Damn, I wish I could at least just see a copy of Rice mag's current issue. Somebody in the Yahoogroups said it was "astig," so.. Well, much better if I get a copy of my own, hehe SANA MERON PA BUKAS!

posted by introvert at 8:57:12 PM
. . .
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Ok, I've got a new crush, and it's Jude Law.
Yeah. I just saw Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow.

posted by introvert at 10:28:17 PM
. . .
Friday, October 22, 2004
It's very sad to have your dream world shattered.

posted by introvert at 2:11:07 PM
. . .
Thursday, October 21, 2004
I don't why my mind is having such a difficult time..

posted by introvert at 9:44:01 PM
. . .
Monday, October 18, 2004
Yes! I finished the first part of my short story. Thank God. Thanks really, God! Hehe. Needs a lot of revisions, though. But it's alright, I'm happy that at least a draft of it is done, that at least it's not just notes anymore. I'd like to work on the next part, but I better go to bed now... I have to read that novel for Litera2, too, before I sleep. Well, till next time..

posted by introvert at 11:06:01 PM
. . .
I am such a lazy ass.
I actually slept without being sleepy.

Naturally here I am feeling very groggy.

I cannot delay writing this short story any longer.. God please help me!!

posted by introvert at 5:41:00 PM
. . .
I don't want to work on that damn short story, see?
Perhaps I'm not cut out to be a writer.
I'd like to think that I am, though..

posted by introvert at 2:27:11 PM
. . .
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Right now I smell something cooking. From some house next door.

Yesterday we had lunch in Market! Market! at the Fort, and even if it's an entirely new place, it felt familiar. The sun was burning and the air was warm, yet it was cool under the shaded outdoors of the food area. Hardly were there any empty tables, and all-native food was being served.

These things remind me of something distinctly Filipino. Yet I can't seem to remember what these memories are and where they came from..

posted by introvert at 7:55:14 PM
. . .
Saturday, October 16, 2004
I can't seem to get myself to work.........................

posted by introvert at 11:39:05 PM
. . .
Thursday, October 14, 2004
AGHHH!! WHY?! WHY is it so hard to say HI? Or even to just flash a smile and a little wave of the hand? Why, why, why???!!

I see so many people around school who I'm supposed to know, but I always end up feeling like such a snob! Or am I really the snob? Or is it a two-way thing? Because I try my best to say hello. But they don't look. I know some of them don't see, but most of them I'm sure they do but look away. Why? Is there something about me that makes it difficult to say hello? Or does it happen to everybody? Does everybody snob everybody around school? That is just so sad.

Ruined my day, I tell you. I'm supposed to have been used to it, but today it happened with someone who I normally say hello to. I don't know what went wrong. The sadness of it all..

posted by introvert at 8:21:57 PM
. . .
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Hay sarap ng weather! I don't even have to turn the electric fan on anymore.. =)

posted by introvert at 6:19:51 PM
. . .
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
For Litera2 we have to make this "self-inventory wish book" which is really just a collage or something about your dreams/ambitions. This is supposed to be in relation to Tolstoy's How Much Land Does A Man Need.

I'm actually having second thoughts on adding "To Graduate From La Salle" to the list. I'm so discouraged from majoring in anything. It's not that I want to quit college. It's just that I don't want to major in anything, and if I don't major in anything, I can't graduate. But what's to graduate anyway? I don't care much anymore if I graduate or not. I'm happy now with the courses I'm taking -- those minor/basic/general/whatever-you-wanna-call-it subjects, and if they're all I need to graduate, I'd be glad.

This reminded me that the only thing I really want to do before I die is to travel around the world. Just that. Everything I want to do is under that. To live and experience life in other places around the world, to explore their history through experiencing their culture and roaming their cities. Especially the US. I just have to see Hollywood, New York, Chicago.. I also have to visit the University of Arizona to see Artie Shaw's music collection. I'm not limiting myself to that one country only, though. The other two in the dream/ambition list are to "Get Published" -- writing something great; a novel, short story, screenplay, what-have-you, anything -- and to "Master A Musical Instrument". But those are just secondary. As I think of it now, though, I don't think I can give either of them up..

Well, there's one more thing, and it's "To Meet Artie Shaw." Hehe. I'd love that very much, although it's the only one in the list that I can't see myself doing. Too far-fetched? Not putting that in my homework, though; it's not necessary. How many of them kids do you think have heard of that great man, anyway?

But of course, the thing I really, REALLY dream about is -- however unrealistic, even more far-fetched -- is going back to the 1930s in America. The 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s, but if I were to pick only one decade it would have to be the 30s. I can't really say why. The most attractive one of them all. But nobody asked me to pick, so I'm saying all three decades. I've been really desiring for it that I had to play Benny Goodman's Carnegie Hall concert right now.

I wonder if it's possible to have your next life in the past?

posted by introvert at 8:05:55 PM
. . .
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Jason who? What story? Haha. Geez. I feel like all is lost. My character is lost! He's become a.. no longer my character! Sigh, oh well.

I've been reading short stories all morning, though. Short stories from the Malate copies I have and the Hemingway short story compilation I have. To keep inspired and to get ideas. Only problem is, now I have to start over.. who is my character gonna be, now?

posted by introvert at 2:43:43 PM
. . .
It's such a lazy Saturday afternoon. A real Saturday afternoon. The sun is shining bright outside with blue skies yet it is not warm. Perfect, but then it is lazy.

My head feels empty yet heavy.

posted by introvert at 2:40:19 PM
. . .
Friday, October 08, 2004
He is gonna be the model of the character in my story. I can't wait.

I don't have a plot yet. I'm having a hard time thinking of one. I have a feeling, though, that this will be a good story - or, rather, that I can make it a good story. I just hope that I have the will and patience to actually do it!

I'm so excited. This is fun. Planning out a story. Getting ideas from observing people. Help me hide the excitement whenever I see him. Haha. From this moment on, every time I see him will be one step forward in my story's progress.. or whenever I see somebody who is like him. But he is the main man!

I can't wait for my final output.

posted by introvert at 6:21:28 PM
. . .
Thursday, October 07, 2004
That story about Jason was so depressing.
It's not that I sympathize for him.
But I know how it feels. (Geezus I wonder how many times I've said that line)
And it reminded me of my own misery.
It reminded me that loneliness is a real feeling.
And this attempt of mine to hide/deny/forget it
is even sadder than it already is.

"It's been a while since I held a girl's hand and I just want to remember how it feels like."


On the other hand, my dad is actually letting me ride the LRT-MRT tomorrow to Glorietta. He's got a meeting in Makati at 2pm and needs the driver.

Well, well. This could be the beginning.

I'm so glad. I made a plan already. Haha. I'm going to National Bookstore to check if they have some new sheet music and perhaps buy a reliable pen (my new one is running out again, damn it). And when that's done, go shopping! Or window shopping. Explore G4 and maybe even Greenbelt if I'm up to it. After that trip to Galle with Gel, I may now know how to look for good clothes.. haha! Was thinking of watching one of them Spanish films but there's no good one tomorrow, so maybe I'll catch the 2pm show on Saturday. Hopefully. By myself.

I'm praying that this really will be the beginning.

posted by introvert at 10:20:58 PM
. . .
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
I'm so fucking bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And frustrated. I wish I know how to fix this damn computer! It's such a disappointment, this computer. I want to just fucking reformat it. Hay Diyos ko!

posted by introvert at 8:24:53 PM
. . .
Monday, October 04, 2004
The first person I greeted today was Miguel. Now isn't
that nice. I said hi to everyone I saw (who I knew)
after that. Haha.

I saw *toot* just before leaving school. Just when I
was waiting for them. =)

posted by introvert at 3:08:55 PM
. . .

. . .
current mood
. . .


piotr f.

© 2003-2005